Thursday, August 25, 2005

ADD and Cruise

I've always thought that people were boring and not worth my time. After talking to someone for more than about 30 seconds my mind starts to wander and I start thinking back on the days when I worked at Caterpillar and would go weeks without having to say anything to anyone. Sure, there were hours of meetings every day, but since I was just a contractor without any projects in front of me, I could just sit there and think about times before then when people weren't talking.

I've also generally gotten bored with anything I've worked on for any period of time, hence my inability to stay at one job for more than a couple of years. Believe it or not, at 32 years of age, this stint at DG is the longest job I've held in my entire life. (And it hasn't even been for 3 years yet).

So it really came as no surprise when I was diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder yesterday. My doctor told me I should look into ritalin, but my fear of midget-induced screaming matches made me say no. Don't get me wrong, I love midgets, and there's nothing funnier than a midget screaming until he foams in the mouth, his little arms flailing about wildly, jumping up and down...oh man, hold on, laughing too hard to type....

Ok, see what I mean, lose track pretty easily, gotta be the ADD. But, as I was saying, oh...lost interest, went and got coffee with Jason, can't remember what I was saying and can't be bothered with re-reading what I wrote.

So, in short, I've got ADD and I'm off to another doctor to prescribe some drugs so that I can go to a pharmacist to get the drugs so that maybe I'll be able to focus better and write a blog with some sort of coherency.

Walked in the woods yesterday, the turkeys were out, but luckily the Tom turkey that wants of piece of me was nowhere to be seen. I'm fairly certain he was waiting to ambush me somewhere down a path I luckily never took. Oh man, maybe it's not the squirrels, but the closer it gets to Thanksgiving the more certain I am that the turkeys are going to use me as an example. Wonder how I'd taste with apple stuffing and cranberries?

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Long time

Been a while since I wrote...noone reads this, anyway, so I could really care less what those of you non-existant people who don't read this think of the fact that there's nothing to read.

But, if you have stumbled across this then I suppose I should give you something....

I been thinking about picking up stalking. It seems like a pretty good gig, you get to use cool binoculars, if you're really into it you can get some with night sight, built in digital camera, and I'm sure there's some flavor with a radio or mp3 player to keep you company as you sit in the tree waiting for the stalkee to walk past the window. Yeah, neat toys, get to wear all black to stay hidden, improve your tree climbing skills, and pretend you're a ninja. Man, just keeps getting better and better!

Of course, that's what they tell you to get you into it. Fact is, there's a lot of negative things about being a stalker that noone tells you about. For one, it is a lot of work. First, you have to find a stalk-worthy person, which is not as easy as you'd think. Sure, a lost love is good for some, but lets face it, they probably aren't as interesting now that you two aren't together, and all it'll lead to is heartbreak the first time you catch them with someone else. Jealous rage, destruction of property or person is sure to follow, followed by a long stay at a pound me in the ass prison, so no...lost loves are out. Okay, strangers, someone you've noticed, are afraid to talk to for whatever reason, but you know that they'd think it sexy to find you in a tree watching them as they sleep. Well, probably not as they sleep as most people keep their blinds shut, so you end up sitting outside all night waiting for them to wake up on the off chance that they wake up, open the blinds, then get changed. Doesn't happen, they won't open the blinds til they're dressed, and where's the fun there? No, strangers aren't right, either.

That leaves celebrities. Yeah, you find the right one and you can have a pretty good time with it. Find a party person, someone who doesn't go to bed at 8, and life can get interesting. The problem, of course, is finding them to begin with. Not like Beverly D'Angelo is walking around downtown Peoria waiting to be stalked. Then, there's the paparazzi...they're professional stalkers so you don't really have a chance there. There's lesser celebrities that you can stalk, but who wants to get caught stalking that person from that one show with the kids and the angst? Yeah, you may get on Fark.com when you get caught, but you'd be more a joke than a hero.

So, first...finding the right stalkee is tough, but then there's the gas you have to buy to follow them around, and gas is expensive. Sitting in a tree for hours isn't all that great, either. After a few hours your ass starts to hurt. (not like when you get thrown in prison for stalking, maybe, but a pain nonetheless).

So, stalking's out, I guess...gotta find a new hobby now that my girlfriend and I broke up. There's always cliff-diving, anyone know of a good cliff around here to dump into the IL river from?