New Life Goal

Sometimes things hit you that are so obviously perfect that you can't believe you've lived your whole life without trying to achieve that goal. One of those hit me today, granted, it'd be jumping on a bandwagon, but I saw the light today!!

I hope someday I, too, can have the headlining, top AP News story written about me, and I hope it is somehow along the same lines of "Michael Jackson to stop sleeping with underage boys." Know that I'm not out to start sleeping with underage boys purely to be able to get a headline saying that I've stopped, I just want to have some unbelievably assinine headline that the USA Today actually thinks is more important than the 4 year old boy who died at Disneyland (no comments about what died at Neverland over the years...innocence comes to mind) or the fact that Japan has over 1 million people over the age of 90 (No wonder why Jacko never goes there).

No, I've been thinking of things that the AP could write about me that would really make people say "Thank god, I wouldn't have slept if I didn't know that!"

Here's what I'm working on:

1. Joe Kraft to stop selling crack to kindergartners
2. Joe Kraft to stop peeing in neighbor's sink
3. Joe Kraft to stop storing body parts in freezer
4. Joe Kraft to stop the ticking time bomb in the boiler room

Oh, there's more, but the beauty of it all is that it means that I was doing those things, got off, and now can justify my actions by promising not to do them. Just think, Chucky Manson could probably get out if he just told people he'd stop being such a nut.

Congrats, Wacko, you proved that celebrity beats the justice system every time. Well, sorry Martha, guess you don't rank.