Moebius Strip

Great weekend

2007-10-01T10:52:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to post quick about this past weekend, it was all any guy that's been married for almost 13 years can hope for. Woke up Saturday with the news that I would have the house to myself all day, which was perfect since I had gotten Halo 3 on Friday. So, after a couple hours of "cleaning" (why the quotes...you should see me clean!), I got online and played Halo for a few hours with a friend of mine from Texas. Halo 3 allows for multiplayer, online coop...which if you know what that is you're a geek, it's true. Did that until it was time to take my daughter to inPlay with her class from school at 6pm. Not that I enjoy watching 12 year old girls play video games, but it was great because I just sat in the bar with a couple other dads watching the USC game drinking beer. Hey, I'm not out to win dad of the year here!

Sunday was more Halo 3, but not as much...had to watch the Bears game, luckily my afternoon nap lasted through the 4th quarter and I missed Detroit's 5 TD's. Then I slept through the Simpson's, Family Guy, American Dad, and whatever else was on from 6:45-9:00 during my evening nap.

When Sam woke me up at 9 telling me she was going to bed, I did get up long enough to verify with Keri that I was in the dog house for wasting the weekend on the couch, then fell asleep again around 9:10pm.

All in all, about what one could hope for...video games, football, beer!

6.55 Miles

2007-09-10T05:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ran 1/2 of the IVS 1/2 Marathon as part of a relay team with my younger brother (http://www.ivs.org/Results/2007/ivshalf.txt) We didn't win, but we finished, which was a huge accomplishment for me. After all, I had never run more than 3.1 miles at one time before, and the 6.55 miles I ran yesterday seemed to be mostly uphill the whole time. I finished my half in a little under 1 hour and 5 minutes, which is a huge part of us finishing in 167th place. Like I said, we didn't win!

In my defense, Samantha had 12 girls spend the night Saturday night...have you ever tried to sleep when there are 13 twelve and thirteen year olds running around the house until 3am?? Never again, or if Keri lets them, I'm getting a hotel room.

Boo Bears, Boo Cubs, and Boo Notre Dame. A very disappointing sports weekend.

KSW Of Chillicothe

2007-09-07T09:16:00.000-07:00

I'm also going to be opening a Kuk Sool Won school in Chillicothe in October. Well, it's an extension of Kuk Sool Won of Peoria, but it will be at the Pearce Community Center in Chilli, and I'll be running it with another black belt from Chilli. Should be a good experience, will save me a couple trips to Peoria every other week, and will put some money in my pocket. I figure that if we can get 30 people joined I should be able to bring home about $500/month. Getting closer to being able to make the house payment on this new house of mine!!

So, if you know anyone near Chillicothe that wants to kick me in the head, send them my way!!

Kuk Sool Won Website

2007-08-02T09:35:00.001-07:00

Okay, this is just a shameless plug for a new website I'm trying to get other Kuk Sool Won schools to buy into. You see, I created a website for my school so that I wouldn't have to pay dues anymore. With the new house (I'm moving on Monday), I needed to find a way to save some dough. Since KSW was the obvious expense that we could rid ourselves of, I was forced to find a way to do both.

http://www.kswschools.com was the answer. It's a fully customizable website that allows martial arts schools to advertise their services, track their students, and put up information that will hopefully increase knowledge of Kuk Sool Won. Next week the first school will be totally up and running, http://www.kswofpeoria.net, followed (hopefully) by another 100 or so. Just have to get the word out!

So, if you can all do me the favor of putting a link off of your blogs to http://www.kswschools.com so that the google bot finds it and puts it higher in their search results, I would apprecaite it.

So lonely...

2007-06-26T04:43:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, alone in the basement, wondering why I'm being ignored. I used to be popular, people would want to play with me all the time. Now I'm forgotten, gathering dust...

Just because someone or something is new doesn't mean the old isn't good enough any more, does it??? I'm still fun. I can still make you smile....

So sad, I hope that damn Wii melts,

Joe's XBox 360

Black Belt

2007-06-25T05:46:00.000-07:00

Sam and I got our black belts yesterday. It was the shortest (time-wise) test that we've had at about 90 minutes, but we went at a pretty fast and furious pace. I think I lost about 10 pounds of sweat during the testing, but it was well worth it. The best part of the whole experience (including the 3 1/2 years it took to get the black belt) is the free Blizzards Sam and I got from the Chillicothe Dairy Queen after the testing. You see, the guy who owns it also takes Kuk Sool Won and told us to stop by for the celebratory Blizzards.

It'll be 5 years before we can get our 2nd degree belts, not sure if my body will hold out that long, but I'm going to try to find out.

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

2007-05-31T05:51:00.000-07:00

Never expect your 12 year old daughter to talk you out of making a purchase that you know you shouldn't make. Sam and I were at Best Buy over the weekend and noticed that they had just gotten a shipment of the Wii. I tried to get her to talk me out of buying one, but she gave me the puppy dog eyes and pleaded with me to buy it instead. I'm a softy, especially with things that I want to do anyway, and now I'm the semi-proud owner of the Wii.

I try to justify it by telling myself that I'm excercsing when I use it, but I've only broken a sweat once, and I think that's because we had our air conditioner off.

Wii Play is stupid, Wii sports is fun, but the games could be a bit longer (3 inning baseball??). I'm waiting on Gamefly to ship me some games now...Zelda and Rampage, both look pretty cool.

The best is I somehow got it up and running on the big screen upstairs (up til now my video games have been relegated to the basement). Keri wasn't mad, but then she'll be getting the expensive patio furniture this weekend instead of the cheap stuff I was trying to get for her.

The new house has been put on hold again, can't buy a house if I keep spending money on stupid crap.

Looking for a digital camera

2007-05-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know of a good digital camera? The one I bought a couple of XMas's ago for $80 at Walmart proved that it is as good as it cost. It does a great job if you're taking a picture of something that doesn't move in a very bright room, but if you try to take a picture of someone kicking you in the head you get a blurry, grainy dark image that you can't possibly post on your blog.

Sorry to get anyone hope's up, I'll see if I can get my hands on some pics, but so far it's looking like my 4 minutes of embarrassment will go unseen.

Kicked in the head

2007-04-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

Had a martial arts tournament over the weekend (I'll post some picks at some point this week), it went well enough. I'm still breathing, anyway. I did discover that most people 2 months away from their black belts can kick higher than their waists. So my first sparring match started with me getting kicked in the head by some 18 year old kid. The rest of the match didn't go much better, I'm sorry to say. The second match I had went much better, but I still lost because at the last second the guy I was fighting against kicked me in the head! (Head kicks count as 2 points, everything else is 1). I suppose I should stretch or something...

I went down there thinking that I was going to have to break a board with a spin kick as part of the tournament. Yes, the board is held at head-level, so I was stressing about it a little bit. Sadly, though, when I got down there they decided that only black belts would be allowed to break. As much as I wanted to try it, my groin muscle actually talked to me...saying 'Thank god!' I guess it knew that had I tried for that kick I would have torn it in half. Wonder what that sounds like.

Even though I left at 4:30am Saturday and got home at 8pm Saturday (it was in St. Louis), with all of that time either getting beat up or sitting on my ass, it was a good day. I'm hoping to get down to the next tournament in Houston in October. I'll be a black belt then, so I'm sure that my sparring story will somehow end up in bloodshed.

Sore Throats

2007-03-27T11:37:00.000-07:00

I've had a sore throat for over a week now. Sadly, my dream of having to take the rest of the week off with strep came to a crashing hault after a quick stop in at Proctor First Care this morning. Still, I'm going to take advantage of it as I can...really, I'm too sick to do much more than play Xbox after work. I just have to hope that Keri doesn't get it, too.

Other than that, things are moving along. Helped my brother move into his new house over the weekend. Kept me away from my in-laws, who came down to see Sam's volleyball game.

Dell is still under a hiring freeze, though I talked to my friend there and found out they are under a reorg now and he may be getting the Illinois district. He's all excited because he thinks it'll be easier for him to hire me if he's the boss, not understanding that I'd never want to risk our friendship by having my best friend be my boss.

The squirrels are starting to come out of hibernation again. Do they hibernate, or were they just spend the winter planning their next attack? I've noticed a couple scouts out in front of my house lately...no doubt they're waiting for me to start jogging in the mornings so they can make their move. Joke's on them, lazy is still winning!

Ah well, think I'll call my Liquidlibrary agent and ask for a discount, even though I've never bought anything from them before. I hear they like that. Surely if I say that Getty would give me one she'll break down.

Getty?

2007-02-26T08:04:00.000-08:00

What a shocker Friday when I heard that Getty was in talks with A. Meckler to buy JupiterMedia. Alan must be pretty desperate...the offer is contingent on a 3rd party buying the JupiterWeb division of the company, but he's offered to buy it himself if he can't find another company to buy it. I wonder what Moffley's thinking now? When he sold the company to Jupiter, he mentioned that he had taken offers from Getty, but didn't want to sell to them because they were going to close down the Peoria office. Hopefully that isn't the case anymore, but I feel for everyone out there that will no doubt be negatively impacted by the acquisition.

I loved working for Dynamic Graphics, and would still be there had it not been sold. I didn't love working for Jupiter, mostly because of the new constraints put upon us by Sarbanes-Oxley (I'm totally on board with Alan M's view of it...it's a horrible waste of money and typical government overreaction). Still, when I had the opportunity to go back on a small consulting project, I had fun and was happy to see everyone again.

I'm starting to think I'm a cancer to companies...or at least, me leaving is somewhat foreboding. My first company, CyberDesic, sold and closed within a year of me leaving for CGN. Shortly after leaving CGN they let go most of the people to reorganize and refocus. From there I went to Foster and Gallagher, who closed their doors 6 months after I left for Affina, who laid off 85% of their work force shortly after I left. From there, Bradford and Galt at Cat...Cat laid off their consultants and I'm not even sure if B&G is in Peoria anymore. I know they went from having about 6 or 7 people in their office to 1. From there, Dynamic Graphics...left there last May, though I hope it's still around in May of '07, that's no longer guaranteed.

Pearl is doing well, I'm somewhat sure that if I had to leave here they'd survive, but I think people may be freaked if I quit. (If anyone at Pearl reads this, don't worry...I have no plans to leave!)

Stupid Computers

2007-02-12T13:04:00.000-08:00

Okay, so anyone who knows me knows that I have very little patience...and if something doesn't work the first time I'll generally give up on it. Well, I spent about 20 minutes this morning typing up a post, but my computer locked up and I gave up. But, lucky for you (ha!), I am bored stupid at work right now and I'm going to try to post it again, though this will no doubt be much less involved as my last one.

Went to Texas last weekend to watch Rex Grossman live up to expectations and *literally* throw the game away. I also learned that when it comes to Devin Hester you bet that he will return the opening kickoff for a touchdown instead of proclaiming, "If he runs this back I'll buy you a jersey." I mean, come on...that was a lose-lose for me. If he runs it back I have to go shopping, if he doesn't the Bears don't start with a 7-0 lead. Still, that was one of the more exciting first halves of football I've seen in a long time, so many fumbles...

Got back on Wednesday (my Tuesday flights were cancelled due to snow, it was 70+ in Texas) and had to scrape 5 inches of snow off my car. Made me want to go back. Oh, and I could..it's getting harder to say no to Dell. They're offering more money than I'm making, I'd be able to work from home, so I wouldn't have to move to Austin (which is good since Keri and Sam have both said they won't move with me), and there is definitely more money at Dell than at Pearl. Yes, I love my job at Pearl, and I'd hate the job at Dell...but working from home for more $$...that'd be sweet.

Installed Vista this weekend, my computer is much less happy than it was before, but since it updated the Media Center software on my XBox 360 when I connected to it, it was worth it. It makes moving around the 360 much easier, to the point where I've bought an HDTV card for my computer so I can stream it to my TV thru my 360. Keri says I can't buy more 360's so I can stream it to other TV's in the house, but it may not be her decision.

Not much else. Looking forward to the Untamed Shrews this weekend, Bliss has said good things about them in the past, though I'm going with some couple I don't know, and since I generally don't like people, I don't have high hopes.

Since I'm at work, I guess I should wrap this up and go back to sleep.

Not dead yet

2006-11-09T05:08:00.000-08:00

Nope, not dead yet, though not posting in several months may have made you think otherwise. Life is just moving on, as it tends to do when you're married, in your mid-30's, and throw your back out on a semi-regular occassion. Don't get me wrong, it's fun to not be able to stand upright, makes me think of those cavemen in that Ringo Starr movie...umm, what was it called...Caveman?

Ringo Starr...I should change my name to something as gnarley as that.

Life is good right now, jobs going well...too well, anyone know any .Net or Java programmers looking for work? Give me a call, you can start tomorrow. With Aaron here, Roman in Chicago, and Z seemingly content to stay at DG, I need a new picking field. Oh, I've already taken the only worthwhile programmer from Affina, too.

Okay, that's what I know...back to chasing the office midget around cubicle island while he plays the lute and does summersaults.

Wearin' the ring

2006-07-12T05:23:00.000-07:00

First, for those who I promised to party with Friday, I apologize for standing you all up. Sorry I didn't get your call, Oreo, but I was in the middle of a pretty deep conversation with Keri at the time. As it turns out, we're trying to make it work again, so bachelor Joe has been shelved. Not that I was much of a bachelor, but it is weird being back. I'll probably move the majority of my stuff into her house this weekend, which will be good since Keri and Sam will be in WI all next week so I'll be able to situate myself to my new surroundings without having to share them with anyone else for a while.

Of course, Wednesday I'm leaving for a trip to LA for a few days of training and a couple days of stalking Lindsay Lohan...oh, crap, can't do that and stay married, guess I need to find something else to do. Maybe try to rescue some wooly mammoths from the tar pits or join Scientology or Kaballah or whatever those crazy celebrities are doing right now.

On to funny JI news....Aaron accepted an offer to start working here at Pearl, which leaves them without any developers that have a good understanding of how the website works. Sadly we drug our feet too long to get him out of a training session next week, but I am tempted to try to meet up with them since Steve will be in town....ask him again if he wants Pearl to take over some development work for them, and remind him that Pearl won't hire people away from our client sites. I'm sure he'll say no, which means that if any of you are looking for a job you're fair game....

The single greatest thing ever

2006-07-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

http://www.sickjokes.net/index.php?disp=watchvideo&filename=MidgetThaiBoxing.wmv

I have nothing to add, it's perfect....

Yup, I can

2006-06-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since I sold it, of course it's been sunny and nice every day since. I'm not quite in the market for a new bike yet, but I'm guessing next spring I'll break down and let Jason talk me into getting another one.

Not much else going on here. Back to my Snickers ice cream and Simpsons....you're all jealous that your lives aren't as exciting as mine!

Can I sell it?

2006-05-28T17:26:00.000-07:00

My brother in law called me tonight asking if I was serious about selling my motorcycle. I wasn't really, I mean yeah...I could use the money, but I really do like the bike! Even if my helmet makes me look like a cue ball.

And the fact that I finally managed to do something to it today without making a desperate call to Jason for help. I had to replace the battery...it's been 90 degrees all weekend and I wasn't able to ride at all because no matter how long I left the trickler on (hehe, I love that word), all I could get it to do was click a couple times....a mocking, almost laughing, sound...yes, even my bike laughs at me.

What do you think? To sell or not to sell, that is the question.

Oh, and if anyone wants a piece of shit Volvo with 4 years of payments left, let me know...there would be no hesitation on that. Damn Vulva's...too expensive and so easy to break

Gotta get a comb...

2006-05-22T16:46:00.000-07:00

I should have taken a picture of my hair when I got to work today. Learned an important lesson...don't gel your hair then put on a motorcycle helmet before it dries. Actually, you probably shouldn't gel your hair at all if you're going to put on a helmet, but mine was especially nice today. Not sure the physics behind it, but I loooked like Alphalfa (sp??) all day today. Yeah, wish I had some way to put it back down, no amount of water was doing it.

First week

2006-05-16T04:16:00.000-07:00

Well, week 1 at Pearl is behind me. It's great working on new code again, amazing how much happier I am not looking at code that sells pictures on the internet. Seriously, 2 of the last 3 years were great, but things went downhill real quick last March and the past year was fraught with the disasters of losing just about everything...damn you Pissing and Moaning for passing me up on that, guess practice makes perfect....

Anyway, very happy with work now, though there are odd things about this place I have to get used to. Dressing up sucks. I feel like a real professional now instead of a bum who is horribly overpaid. I can't eat lunch at my desk here, which I can't get over. I've eaten lunch at my desk almost every day since high school and I hate sitting in a cafeteria to eat. Just wasting good productive time. I have to have a picture ID when I walk around the building. There's only 10 people that works for Pearl Tech, I think we know each other! But, if that's all that's wrong then I've no doubt I made the right choice.

I started my daughter on the long road to gambling addictions this weekend. She went all in on a bluff, sadly I had a straight, and she lost her allowance. Is it wrong that I'm happy I won the hand?? Probably, but since I'm the allowance giver I was just getting my money back.

Well, sad as it sounds, I started this a couple days ago and am just now hitting submit. Sorry that the post wasn't witty or comical.

Oh, Oreo, did you get that waitresses number at my going away party? I know she got yours, wondering if y'all hooked up ;)

Last Day

2006-05-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

Well, today is my last day. Going to Texas this weekend really helped me switch gears and begin my focus on the new job while trying to answer the questions that have come up these last 2 days. I'm very happy that I went, and I'm more sure now that I've made the right decision since it has allowed me to look at DG more objectively. Of course, that can all change on Monday when I start at Pearl.

Texas was a blast, if a LOT more laid back than my last trip. No hangovers, no parties, just the baptism and a lot of XBox. Well, we did spend a lot of time with Rachel's family, which was nice and was a big reason for the laid back weekend. I actually came back refreshed instead of wanting to die like last time. Still, I went through the Caffrey's I had left so I'm hoping to hook up with Gina at some point today to get the 12 from her before I start going through withdrawals. No plans on another supply any time soon, so these gotta last.

Not much to say today, a bit meloncholy, a lot excited to leave. Tomorrow is shopping for clothes and my rescheduled visit to my lawyer's to try to get the "D" back on track. Amazing how much support I have for this from my Catholic friends seeing as how divorce is strongly frowned upon.

Friday is painting and relaxing, oh, and trying to figure out how to program. I better do that before I start!

Tick, tick, tick

2006-04-27T06:06:00.000-07:00

Well, the clock is ticking on my employ here at DG. I'm surprised by the reactions I've been getting, I had no idea I am as popular as I seem to be. That, and people seem concerned about what's going to happen to the group after I leave. People also think that I'm in some "loop" about the future of the company and I must know something they don't. I know know anything, the fact that I'm so far outside of the loop is one of the reasons why I'm leaving...I'm tired of not knowing what's going on or hearing from all these new people how crappy the system is or how surprised they are by how well it all works once they finally realize that it's better than any other system they have.

I hope that after I leave they realize that if you keep your strongest teams in the dark, they get nervous and ultimately will go someplace where they feel like they are part of the solution instead of some bastard red-haired step child you keep around to do your grunt work.

Oh well, I'm really not as bitter as I sound, there are great people here in Peoria and I'll be sorry to say goodbye to them.

On another front, I'm off to Texas tomorrow for a baptism and Caffreys. I can't believe that it's been as hard as it has been to get together with Gina to replenish my supply, but if it has to wait til next week it will only mean I won't bring those with me and I'll have some at home.

That's all for now, still thawing from my bike ride this morning, so I'm off to find some coffee.

Piling it on

2006-04-24T11:54:00.000-07:00

For some odd reason I generally try to heap on as much stress as possible. It's not enough to just be starting a new job in a couple of weeks (very stressed about that decision, btw), but now I've decided it is time to file for divorce as well. I'm going in Thursday to do that, which Keri doesn't know yet, so keep it hush-hush. I was going to tell her over the weekend, but she couldn't find the time in her busy schedule to talk for 15 minutes and got pissy because I wouldn't tell her over IM.

It's been 14 months since I left her...the first several months she tried to get me to move back in, then when it finally worked she said no. The past 10 months have been some weird game of back and forth that has really messed us both up. On the bright side, we finally have a good level of hate going on now that will ensure a messy divorce :)

I tell myself that I should hold off until the results of her job interview Wednesday at Cat come back since I may be shooting myself in the foot with the divorce now, but honestly, how long am I supposed to stay married to someone just because divorce is expensive? I'd much rather have it done and over with so I can get on with my life instead of feeling like I have to make it work with her because we're legally married. Plus, I feel Samantha needs to know that we're done trying and that this is the way it is.

So, the big question now is whether or not I try to get anything back. You see, I gave her everything when I left...everything in the house, including the equity, so that I could ease some of my guilt. That guilt is gone (...just erased an especially nasty comment of why...), and rather than go further into debt replacing those things I think she can probably afford to start replacing some herself. I do miss my 54" TV, after all!!

Do I sound bitter? Yeah, I probably am...but I have to embrace it and let it make me strong enough to go through with this. I left her because I couldn't put up with her bitchy ways any more, and she's only gotten worse, so why not be bitter? There's a light in this tunnel and I'm running towards it!

On the bright side, a trip to Texas this weekend. The last time was very interesting, this time should be tamer considering I'm going for a baptism, but it's always a good time.

Here's to hoping the grass is greener.

2006-04-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

I know what you're thinking, "Where have I seen that headline before?" Well, it's what Jason used when he blogged about his decision to leave the company. Well, not it's my turn. I've accepted a job with a consulting firm here in Peoria and am hoping that the green grass I see over the fence is real and not an illusion.

I've been very comfortable where I am now for a number of years, longer than at any other employ, but lately it's grown a bit stale. The websites are 3 years old and though we're in the beginning stages of redeveloping them, I don't think that the change of code will be enough of a change considering that the site will remain the same. I just sit in my office and try to fix the code that I wrote 3 years ago instead of writing new code that doesn't work!!

So here's to hoping, hope is sometimes all we have, right? The past year has quite possibly been the most tumultuous of my life, what with the seperation, messed up MB story, moving twice, why not add a new job to the mix and see how much I can take before I snap!!!

Gotta run, this new company won't let me wear jeans so I've got some shopping to do...

Been a while

2006-04-17T03:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted, figured I should write something. First, the Cliff Notes version of my life the past few months....I moved from my apartment into a house in Chillicothe.

Things to think of when you rent a house....
1) If you see a dead roach on the kitchen floor when you look through the house before you rent it, it's a pretty safe bet that there are more somewhere else. Sure, I fog-bombed it, sprayed everythign with Raid, and had Orkin come out before I moved in, but I'm still seeing the odd super roach wander around. I thought it odd after I fogged the place that there were tiny roach sized party hats on the floor next to the fogger and all my chips were gone, I think they were huffing the stuff instead of dying. Damn Roaches.

2) Wallpaper is unbelievably hard to peel off of paneling. I've probaby spent a total of 60 hours (no kidding) peeling wallpaper.

3) You can just paint over wallpaper, which I learned way too late in the process. Once I remembered that I'm renting and not buying I started looking for shortcuts

4) Dirt driveways suck, especially with the rain we've been having

I could go on, but I think I've whined enough. On the bright side, it is directly across the street from the Community Center here in Chili, where I work out every morning (except this morning since I'm old and threw my back out a few days ago). I figured that would be the only way I'd go to the gym regularly, if I had to see it every time I looked out my window.

It's also across the street from Sam's school, which is nice for her, though she and I lost the battle with Keri to let her come here after school instead of going to an after care program. Keri's paying for the after care so I didn't put up much of a fight.

Still not divorced, getting closer, though. I'm losing interest in our arrangement to stay married so she can be insured. It's been over a year, she's dating...Sam gives me guilt trips if I bring up dating someone else, and let's face it...I've been too nice for too long.

There are quite a few squirrels that live in the trees in my yard, and they are starting to look at me like we may be getting close to the time where they put their evil plan in motion. Wish me luck as I run to my car (Forget the motorcycle today, I'm still soggy from my ride last night!) since I'll have to go under that tree.

What's wrong with a midget infatuation?

2005-11-29T13:09:00.000-08:00

I've been called out on my midget infatuation. What's wrong with it, I say? When Sam was 4-5 years old her day care teacher was a little person. How many of you are wondering if I asked, but I didn't...not once...if she'd sing me that she represented the lollipop guild. Actually, she was a great teacher, Samantha loved the fact that she was taller than her teacher (Yes, honestly, she was), and I loved picking Sam up because I got to see her!

Still, I suppose it is wrong to want to hire one to do my bidding. And my bidding would be to be my personal assistant. No, nothing like what you see on http://www.midgetporn.com (NSFW!), that is just wrong...but someone to stand by my couch holding my coffee in the morning, doing summersaults on command, maybe the Safety Dance.

Anyway, sorry to anyone I've offended with my love of the midget. Willow is one of my favorite movies while that guy from Big Fish scares me. (Especially now that he's dead...if I saw him today I'd definitely crap myself, don't need any giant zombies chasing me (is Willow dead, don't remember)). Wow, 2 levels of parenthesis, yeah, the ADD strikes again.

Anyway, if you are going to lunch at Jumer's, don't plan on getting back to work on time. Instead, go with someone that has to get back to work on your day off so you can watch them squirm (Sorry!!) Also, the Grilled Shrimp sandwhich may very well be one of the hardest sandwhiches to eat. It said it came with lettuce, I saw the lettuce, but by the time the sandwhich got to my mouth nary one piece of lettuce got there with it. Stupid me, should have tucked.

Time to go beat up some kids...this martial arts is great, I sometimes pretend that the kids are midgets, and that's all right!

Texas? What's a Texas?

2005-11-10T05:54:00.000-08:00

I love Texas. It's hot. It's humid. November 7 in Austin feels like August 7 in Peoria, and August 7 in Texas feels like you've fallen into the bowels of hell. I was there this past weekend, it was 90 freaking degrees when I left on Monday....it was 50 when I landed in Peoria. Yes, I'm a cold-weather person, so scraping my windshield this morning was better than running your air conditioner on New Years Eve.

Still, when it's that hot outside all there is to do is sit inside and drink. And sleep, then wake up and drink some more. Not sure why I thought my 33 year old body could still act like it was 18, but after the 5 Caffreys, 2 shots of Petrone, bottle of wine, daquiris, margaritas, cosmopolitins, and god knows what else I drank after that (for some reason things got real hazy about then) Saturday night/Sunday morning (I didn't get to bed until 8am), Sunday was a lost cause. I woke up at 2pm, threw up, went back to bed until 4, threw up, laid on the couch until 6, threw up, then finally forced dinner down. Sadly, dinner was really good since I was too hungover to enjoy it...luckily it stayed down. It took until Tuesday morning before I felt okay. I'm old and pathetic, yes.

Still, Gina has refreshed my Caffrey's supply so I'm feeling good. My liver feels somewhat recovered from the weekend, though it is warning me to take it easy for a while.

Texas has become my bastion of freedom. What happens there better stay there (if you're reading this Steve), because noone here needs to know how quickly I get booed off the stage in XBox Karaoke, about my glass jaw (that dog had a hard head), about hot nurses that are ready to party, or the job offer at Dell.

Maybe if it wasn't for Sam, the heat, and the fact that I really enjoy paying state taxes I'd consider the move, but as it is I think I'll stay in the midwest for now. My liver couldn't take many more weekends like that!

Favorite Place To Get Drunk

2005-10-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, found a new favorite place to drink. Free shots, lots of food...hell, I didn't even get carded! Yes, I'm 33 and shouldn't be carded anymore, but I do get carded more than half the time still.

Where is this Utopia, this drinking heaven? Where else but Cub Foods! Yes, I was in Chicago over the weekend for a dinner party at my cousin's house. My friend Amy and I decided to make a Paula Dean recipe that she saw on FoodTV the day before (Tassie Cups With Lemmon Curd Filling if you're interested). Anyway, in order to make these Tassie cups we needed to get:

1. A food processor (Bed, Bath and Beyond had them for $200, umm...too much. target had one for $50, guess which we got)
2. A zester (Bed, Bath and Beyond had them but we decided to just wait until we got to Target. no, Target doesn't have them, neither did Cubs. Ended up using a cheese-grater McGuyver style)
3. A hand juicer...no luck finding this, just ended up using my manly-muscles (Ha!)
4. All of the ingredients, which is what brought us to Cubs

So we are wandering around Cub Foods and get to the dairy section. There's a guy there with a booth of free samples. I do like free samples, especially when they are samples of Absolut. Amy had 3 shots of raspberry absolut, I had 2, and yes...it worked, we ended up buying a bottle to drink while we tried to cook. Nothing better than getting a buzz at the grocery store, if they did that at my local Kroger I'd surely shop more often.

Anyway, we made the Tassie cups, was quite the ordeal and I once again proved my lack of kitchen prowess. I suck as a cook, I try, but I suck. Amy finally put me on clean-up duty because she couldn't take watching me dump salt all over the counter again. Sadly, I'm not even sure if you need salt in the recipe. But, we finally got them cooked and were ready to leave to make the 6 o'clock dinner party at 6:00. Got lost on the way there, so we didn't get there until 7. Was okay, most people had started eating but the food was good and we had a good time. My cousin's husband owns a chocolate factory (Chocolate Potpourri) in Glenview and took Amy and I on a tour where we got to eat free truffles until we both ended up feeling sick. All in all a good day.

Much better than Sunday morning when she was so busy flipping someone off that she didn't see the car coming at us. Karma is real, if you are driving in downtown Chicago turning left onto an onramp, don't flip someone off or you will get hit. Her car lost the battle, but noone was hurt and I managed to pull the front bumper away from the tire enough to get us home.

Still, even with the car accident, it came right after eating a deep-fried Twinkie, so it was hard to get upset, right Amy?

Updates

2005-10-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, I removed my tile rant...I said from the beginning that I woudln't bring up the D in the blog, and I don't want to do anything that may affect it negatively. No, I'm not happy with how I was treated from the past week, and though it is shitty that she did that 1) on my birthday and 2) the day after her tile got done, I won't it up again until we have lawyers present.

Website launches Sunday, it better go well, I need a win.

ADD and Cruise

2005-08-25T05:20:00.000-07:00

I've always thought that people were boring and not worth my time. After talking to someone for more than about 30 seconds my mind starts to wander and I start thinking back on the days when I worked at Caterpillar and would go weeks without having to say anything to anyone. Sure, there were hours of meetings every day, but since I was just a contractor without any projects in front of me, I could just sit there and think about times before then when people weren't talking.

I've also generally gotten bored with anything I've worked on for any period of time, hence my inability to stay at one job for more than a couple of years. Believe it or not, at 32 years of age, this stint at DG is the longest job I've held in my entire life. (And it hasn't even been for 3 years yet).

So it really came as no surprise when I was diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder yesterday. My doctor told me I should look into ritalin, but my fear of midget-induced screaming matches made me say no. Don't get me wrong, I love midgets, and there's nothing funnier than a midget screaming until he foams in the mouth, his little arms flailing about wildly, jumping up and down...oh man, hold on, laughing too hard to type....

Ok, see what I mean, lose track pretty easily, gotta be the ADD. But, as I was saying, oh...lost interest, went and got coffee with Jason, can't remember what I was saying and can't be bothered with re-reading what I wrote.

So, in short, I've got ADD and I'm off to another doctor to prescribe some drugs so that I can go to a pharmacist to get the drugs so that maybe I'll be able to focus better and write a blog with some sort of coherency.

Walked in the woods yesterday, the turkeys were out, but luckily the Tom turkey that wants of piece of me was nowhere to be seen. I'm fairly certain he was waiting to ambush me somewhere down a path I luckily never took. Oh man, maybe it's not the squirrels, but the closer it gets to Thanksgiving the more certain I am that the turkeys are going to use me as an example. Wonder how I'd taste with apple stuffing and cranberries?

Long time

2005-08-23T05:12:00.000-07:00

Been a while since I wrote...noone reads this, anyway, so I could really care less what those of you non-existant people who don't read this think of the fact that there's nothing to read.

But, if you have stumbled across this then I suppose I should give you something....

I been thinking about picking up stalking. It seems like a pretty good gig, you get to use cool binoculars, if you're really into it you can get some with night sight, built in digital camera, and I'm sure there's some flavor with a radio or mp3 player to keep you company as you sit in the tree waiting for the stalkee to walk past the window. Yeah, neat toys, get to wear all black to stay hidden, improve your tree climbing skills, and pretend you're a ninja. Man, just keeps getting better and better!

Of course, that's what they tell you to get you into it. Fact is, there's a lot of negative things about being a stalker that noone tells you about. For one, it is a lot of work. First, you have to find a stalk-worthy person, which is not as easy as you'd think. Sure, a lost love is good for some, but lets face it, they probably aren't as interesting now that you two aren't together, and all it'll lead to is heartbreak the first time you catch them with someone else. Jealous rage, destruction of property or person is sure to follow, followed by a long stay at a pound me in the ass prison, so no...lost loves are out. Okay, strangers, someone you've noticed, are afraid to talk to for whatever reason, but you know that they'd think it sexy to find you in a tree watching them as they sleep. Well, probably not as they sleep as most people keep their blinds shut, so you end up sitting outside all night waiting for them to wake up on the off chance that they wake up, open the blinds, then get changed. Doesn't happen, they won't open the blinds til they're dressed, and where's the fun there? No, strangers aren't right, either.

That leaves celebrities. Yeah, you find the right one and you can have a pretty good time with it. Find a party person, someone who doesn't go to bed at 8, and life can get interesting. The problem, of course, is finding them to begin with. Not like Beverly D'Angelo is walking around downtown Peoria waiting to be stalked. Then, there's the paparazzi...they're professional stalkers so you don't really have a chance there. There's lesser celebrities that you can stalk, but who wants to get caught stalking that person from that one show with the kids and the angst? Yeah, you may get on Fark.com when you get caught, but you'd be more a joke than a hero.

So, first...finding the right stalkee is tough, but then there's the gas you have to buy to follow them around, and gas is expensive. Sitting in a tree for hours isn't all that great, either. After a few hours your ass starts to hurt. (not like when you get thrown in prison for stalking, maybe, but a pain nonetheless).

So, stalking's out, I guess...gotta find a new hobby now that my girlfriend and I broke up. There's always cliff-diving, anyone know of a good cliff around here to dump into the IL river from?

Turkeys, Deer, and Squirrels

2005-07-11T15:18:00.000-07:00

Everyone pretty well knows my turkey story...well, now the deer are after me. If you've ever read The Hitchhiker's Guide books you know what Stavromula Beta is..well, let's just say that the squirrels are my Stavromula Beta so I know I don't need to fear the deer or turkeys, but it's not to say they don't scare the crap out of me when they jump me in the woods.

Knowing that squirrels are to be my downfall, one wonders why I'd walk in the woods to begin with. Sure, I could go off on a Thorean diatribe or chalk it up to needing excercise and thinking I could outrun a group of squirrels, but really it was just to clear my head. Funny how life generally will hold off and dump it all on you at once. F'n Karma, maybe us Catholics aren't supposed to believe in it, but I do.

Yeah, Johnny, strange days indeed. Still, wish that someone would have told me.

Everybody's talking and no one says a word

Everybody's making love and no one really cares

There's nazis in the bathroom just below the stairs.
Always something happening and nothing going on

There's always something happening cooking and nothing in the pot

They're starving back in China so finish what you got.
They're starving back in China so finish what you got.
Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Strange days indeed
strange days indeed.
Everybody's runnin' and no one makes a move

Everyone's a winner
and no one seems to lose.
There's a little yellow idol to the north of Katmandu.
Everybody's flying and no one leaves the ground

Everybody's crying and no one makes a sound.
There's a place for us in movies you just gotta stay around.

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Strange days indeed
most peculiar
Mama.
Everybody's smoking and no one's getting high

Everybody's flying and never touch the sky

There's Ufo's over New York and I ain't too surprised.
Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Strange days indeed
most peculiar. Mama.

New Life Goal

2005-06-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things hit you that are so obviously perfect that you can't believe you've lived your whole life without trying to achieve that goal. One of those hit me today, granted, it'd be jumping on a bandwagon, but I saw the light today!!

I hope someday I, too, can have the headlining, top AP News story written about me, and I hope it is somehow along the same lines of "Michael Jackson to stop sleeping with underage boys." Know that I'm not out to start sleeping with underage boys purely to be able to get a headline saying that I've stopped, I just want to have some unbelievably assinine headline that the USA Today actually thinks is more important than the 4 year old boy who died at Disneyland (no comments about what died at Neverland over the years...innocence comes to mind) or the fact that Japan has over 1 million people over the age of 90 (No wonder why Jacko never goes there).

No, I've been thinking of things that the AP could write about me that would really make people say "Thank god, I wouldn't have slept if I didn't know that!"

Here's what I'm working on:

1. Joe Kraft to stop selling crack to kindergartners
2. Joe Kraft to stop peeing in neighbor's sink
3. Joe Kraft to stop storing body parts in freezer
4. Joe Kraft to stop the ticking time bomb in the boiler room

Oh, there's more, but the beauty of it all is that it means that I was doing those things, got off, and now can justify my actions by promising not to do them. Just think, Chucky Manson could probably get out if he just told people he'd stop being such a nut.

Congrats, Wacko, you proved that celebrity beats the justice system every time. Well, sorry Martha, guess you don't rank.

Angry People

2005-06-14T05:14:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of angry people in the world. I hate them all. You can be happy, it's just easier with opium.

Yeah, so many angry people...go to hell.

Jealousy

2005-06-02T05:01:00.000-07:00

It dawns on me that the self-centered masses are controlled by self-imposed jealousy. It is easier to hate someone for their successes than to try to be that successful yourself. So rather than taking control of your own life you feel the need to bring someone else down. It's all part of the woe-is-me, I'm a victim, it's not my fault attitude that has swept America since Bill Clinton was in office. Even he was a victim of "sexual addiction", so it's not his fault that he lied to a grand jury, a crime that gets most people in jail.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame him for having a tryst with an intern. I think that if you make it to the presidency you should be able to do just about anything with anyone you want to. I'd probably focus my efforts more on Lindsay Lohan than Monica Lewinsky, but after years with Hillary I guess Monica wasn't that bad.

No, my problem is with people that are constantly pissed off because others have it good. How many times have you heard or seen people get upset because some sports star is holding out for more money or isn't behaving in a way that they agree with. It makes me wonder how much of that anger is born out of resentment that the star is rich and they're not. Yes, I think all of it. It can't possibly be my fault that I didn't spend my childhood honing my skills and putting countless hours of effort into becoming an athlete, no...it's their fault that I'm not that good. Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds must have somehow stopped me from having the motivation to better myself so I'll cheer for their failures and seethe when they do well. Nevermind the fact that they did spend their entire lives building themselves up to be where they are. Same thing with actors, successful businesspeople, anyone who has become a cut above the rest. It's easier to blame society or bigotry or luck of the draw than to admit that you failed or didn't care enough to reach that level of success.

Granted, with the pussification of America over the past 20 years all you have to do is find someone to sue and you may be rich, too. Why work for it if you can get millions for doing something stupid and blaming someone else for it. How on earth can people sue for hurting themselves when they break into someone's house and cut themselves on the glass (it happened, look it up), or for spilling coffee on themselves or because the house they bought didn't have any water spigots outside.

I'm tired of the majority bowing to the minority in this country. Most Americans want to see Paris Hilton wash a car for Carls Jr, most don't care if other people smoke in bars, most either don't care or want the 10 commandment monument to be returned to the Georgian courthouse, and most want to be able to continue to say "under God" in the pledge of allegiance. Who cares about the majority's freedom of speech if 1 person is offended?

Besides his propensity to make up new words, I think people are most upset with W's attempt to shake up the system and get the majority back in charge. To hell with the wimps, if you don't want to watch the Victoria's Secret fashion show, turn the channel. If eating meat offends you, don't go to McDonalds. If you're fat, it's not McDonalds fault that you eat there 10 times a week, anyway. Get off your ass and excercise...yes, IT IS YOUR FAULT.

So there it is, a long winded rant that boils down to this simple concept. If people are more successful than you, it's because they tried harder and worked for it. If you're poor or fat or smoke or have any other correctable problem that you wish you could change, it's your fault that you haven't changed it.

Fix it or shut up.

Welcome

2005-06-01T12:06:00.000-07:00

What is a Mobius Strip?

A continuous one-sided surface that can be formed from a rectangular strip by rotating one end 180° and attaching it to the other end.

Why do I call it Moebius Strip?

Well, Moebius is a valid spelling, but mostly because of a game my friend Sean Chou had when we were in 7th grade. Was a killer ninja game for the Commodore 64. They just don't make games like that anymore. That said, if I played it today I'd probably be as disappointed as I was when I watched Howard The Duck for the first time in 20 years over the weekend.

A Moebius Strip is similar to the symbol used for infinity (http://www-vrl.umich.edu/project2/moebius/escher_scr.jpg), take a look. It's how I see life, a constant cycle leading you back to where you started, no longer how hard you try you tend to end up in the same place, with the same problems, never really getting ahead or falling behind. My friend Amy tells me like I'm Seinfeld...just an "Even Steven". Nothing truly bad happens, or when it does it is almost immediately counterbalanced with something equally as amazing. Still, the amazing always turns bad and the bad generally leads to yet another amazing happening.

So here's my blog. I'm one of you now.

Sadly, the biggest things in my life will probably be avoided here, at least until the legal ramifications of writing them down are lessened. So don't expect rants on my pending divorce, stories of the girl I've been seeing recently, or the location of that unfortunate hitchhiker that I picked up so many years ago.

On the bright side, know that I do hate people in general, and expect people to do something to make me change that initial impression (you're an ass) to one a bit more social (you're a jerk) before I pay them any notice. Not a day goes by where someone doesn't do something to reaffirm my belief that people are, in general, completely obsessed with themselves and have no consideration for the people around them.

My daughter has her first softball game of the year tonight, that's always a prime place to pick the people who further my feelings that the earth wouldn't be so bad if there weren't those damned people ruining it.

Oh, and it's also my belief that anyone with a blog immediately falls into the 'completely obsessed with themselves' category, after all, who really cares if you had to wipe a couple extra times because of the salse you had for dinner, what shoes you're wearing, or why you're whining about how you're going to be in hell while volunteering to help people less fortunate than you (btw, if you're that worried, just don't go--on a side note, glad you got the hotel).